Here's Why You Should Be Questioning Your Marriage

By melaniehoglind

I question my marriage all the time.

When my husband "Sven" and I get into a fight because he’s so stubborn it pisses me off to the point of throwing things of across the room, I ask myself if it’s possible for us to peacefully coexist. When I feel disappointed because Sven doesn’t spoil me with presents or capitulate to all my demands, I ask myself if he is really capable of giving me everything that I need.

So here’s the thing: I know that Sven is the love of my life, my soulmate, and I am wholeheartedly certain that there is no one else in the world for me than him. He is it – THE ONE – my lobster! He’s also the sexiest guy I've ever laid eyes on. But I also know that, if push came to shove, I don’t need him. I only need myself; after all, I’m awesome.

Questioning my marriage gives me the self-confidence to know I can be successful outside my marriage. It gives me an out.

This sounds kind of messed up from someone who made a vow of marriage less than three years ago! But hear me out. Even though it seems totally counterintuitive, questioning my marriage regularly actually keeps me more and more committed to it. Here’s why:

Questioning my marriage keeps me committed to working on it. It means I can make no excuses when I’m unhappy. And that keeps us both happy.

Image: Rebecca Watts via Flickr

Questioning my marriage keeps me honest about why Sven really is the love of my life – because we have a love based on trust, respect, balance, and complete commitment to each other. When we fight, we don’t sweep it under the rug and harbor bitterness or resentment. We figure out a way to fix it…eventually. (Marriage is work!)

Questioning my marriage gives me the confidence to know that it is not based on complacence or codependency.

Questioning my marriage is the freedom to assess my life and to not be ashamed of how it turned out.

Questioning my marriage keeps my marriage healthy!

I came across a message online that read: “I will work every day to make myself a better person. I promise I will not ask you to complete me. I will not ask you to fix me when I’m broken.” I thought it was perfect. Sven and I work together to become better people. That’s key to a successful marriage, in my opinion. We support each other, but we’re not codependent or needy. I question my marriage in a good way. A way that means I’ll never give up.